I think im going to throw up on grandma
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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