you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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