All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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