I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
