Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
