I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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