Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
