My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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