I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You have to summon your inner elephant
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
