I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
