I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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