I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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