i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
