Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize