Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
