He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
