All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
