I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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