brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
