I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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