Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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