I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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