Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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