I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
