this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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