hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
