let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
