The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dignity is for republicans.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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