Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
