part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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