So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
