I just gift wrapped bread.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
