so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
