We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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