they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
