i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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