It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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