He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
