she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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