when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
