i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize