I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
bring money and cleavage
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
