There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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