So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
