Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
