She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
