Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
