I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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