the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
