i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
