doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
