I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
