I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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