I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
