Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
