Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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