Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
