Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think my tv is drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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