so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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