so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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