No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Green mimosas i think yes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
