And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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