he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
