Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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