even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just high enough for therapy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
