You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
