after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
