If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
