First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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