I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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