i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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